everyone is single if you try hard enough
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize