I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
