I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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