So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
