Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
