he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
