I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
