Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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