Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pooping to opera.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
