In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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