fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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