Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
