Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
