just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
