The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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