Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
