I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
