no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
