Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
