My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
