I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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