How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
