I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
