It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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