please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
