idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize