I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
