Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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