Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
