I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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