My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
