i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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