pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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