Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
