I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
