tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
