i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
