our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
