i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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