I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
