why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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