Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Man, jail baloney is awful.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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