Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
