I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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