My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
