Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
