I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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