you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
