guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
