I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
