my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
