Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
