I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
