Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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