Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
