Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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