Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
