Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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