so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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