i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
