I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
