Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
