I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
