yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize