one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This house was built for laser tag.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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